I have not blogged in a while. I could not decide what to blog on so i decided to share a piece of a bigger thing I am currently trying to write.
“You have to imagine that every girl you sleep with has seen a dick bigger than yours. So you can’t go in there playing. “
This is how he finally catches my attention, now i’m really interested in this conversation. I mean I had noticed when he got in the car that his jeans were a perfect fit. And his legs, goddamit, they curved at the right place and his face wasn’t bad looking either. He used to date a close of friend of mine back in tech, my notice of his striking physique is not without a pang of guilt because of my friend. But I quickly put that away because we are just having a conversation.
I shoot a quick glance at the backseat, for two reasons. One to check that my daughter is not in the sun as we drive and that her nanny is indeed listening to music on her headphones and not listening to me talking suggestively to a man we are supposedly just giving a lift.
I focus on the road ahead and Head is talking again. This is what we are calling him, for the purposes of this book, because one, he really does have a big head and two his head game is unmatched.
Some months later
I watch him brushing his teeth and I am unable to no longer stop myself from asking the question that had been burning me since the first day I discovered his head.
“Are you fucking anyone else?”
Silence. He moves from the bathroom to the bed to finish packing his overnight bag.
‘Head! I’m talking to you ‘. It comes out as more of a plea than a demand. I want to slap myself. What am I doing?
He doesn’t look at me. Carries on with his bag,he shakes his head then lets out half a chuckle punctuated with a sigh.
Then he looks at me. At that point I find myself wishing I had paid attention in high school when I was supposed to be learning my Hail Mary’s. With his attention now on me, I know my face will betray me and show him my rapidly increasing anxiety over having put myself in a situation that may leave me hurting. It was also in that exact moment that I admit to myself that I am not ready to hear what I know for sure to be true, there is no way those talents are not being exhibited elsewhere.
“Are you?” I was not expecting that question. I was losing control of a conversation I had started. I am trying to hold on to the control, of my facial expressions, my emotions, my mind when my mouth disobeys me.
“No.” My voice sounds foreign. I have never been a huge fan of my voice. But I don’t get time to dwell on that
“Well neither am I.”
We are both lying , and the both of us know it.
Even though at that point I had no way of knowing the extent, I knew we would both have to live with it. There was no way of confronting his blatant lie, not when mine was exchanging pity looks with his. For a good minute we all just stand there, me, Head and our two lies. This is not going to end well, but I have to take a shower and so I walk over to the bathroom.